The Abu Dhabi Grand Prix is normally attended by people who don’t actually like Formula One. But do like to boast to their friends that they’re going to the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix because they think it makes them sound like they’re hardcore F1 fans. 

If you ask them to name 10 F1 drivers past or present, they’ll struggle. Yet if you ask them to name an expensive make of watch, they’ll do it before you finish asking them. They will also know who Jake Paul is.

Other people might go because they have binge-watched Netflix’s ‘Drive to Survive’ in recent years. But at least they’ll be able to answer the above question. Hopefully.

But that’s all fine.

Bands which were once popular in the late 1990’s like Texas and The Corrs also tend to perform at the Abu Dhabi GP, but we don’t need to expand on this here and now. Suffice to say, those non-F1, F1 fans will know the words to every track.

Track as in record. Record as in song. 

Others attending the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix this year will include young people with YouTube channels who Martin Brundle won’t recognise.

This demographic may or may not include two people with very public schoolboy-sounding christian names. Lando and Oscar are not only attending, but could actually win the race from behind the wheels of their similar-looking orange cars.

More than this, either one of them could, potentially win an even bigger prize. And that prize is called the 2025 F1 Driver’s Championship.

But, just……

Who’s Going To Win The 2025 F1 Driver’s Championship?

In reality that’s probably going to be won by someone called Maximus; who has muscled in on the action at the eleventh hour.

And he has ‘previous’ which simply can’t be ignored.

Which means we’re looking forward to something of a gladiatorial reckoning this coming weekend. Albeit amid the backdrop of new money rather than biblical Roman-inspired architecture. 

Maximus Verstappenus (to afford him his full title, before he bags the F1 Driver’s one) sports gladiatorial hair and is definitely someone you can imagine wearing a Red Bull toga while sitting in a steam room.

He is unflappable under intense pressure. Unless of course he doesn’t get his own way. During rare circumstances he loses his shit and seamlessly transitions into full-blown Twat Mode. Usually in conjunction with his father who can be found in close proximity.

As a general rule of thumb, it’s advisable to keep your distance in the event of this happening.

Two drivers who very much won’t be keeping a safe distance from the volatile Dutch this weekend are the aforementioned McLaren-sponsored public schoolboys. Who we all hope will be going toga-to-toga with Maximus around the Yas Marina circuit. 

It is their destiny – or Maximus’ – to clinch the championship on Sunday, and so enter the pantheons of Formula One greatness. Unless it is Maximus, who already exists in this motorsport multiverse. 

Some, many weeks back ago now, in the immediate wake of the Dutch GP at the end of August just gone, Maximus was 104 points adrift of the then championship leader, Oscar Piazza. Who was also 34 points in front of his McLaren teammate and Driver’s Championship rival, Lando Norris McWhirter.

Math doesn’t lie, alright. 

Fast forward three-and-a-bit months though, and the playing field couldn’t be any more different.

Because Maximus has reeled in the other two courtesy of various reckonings.

Significant floor upgrades on his Red Bull race car ahead of the Italian GP, both McLaren drivers dicking around in Baku (although Piazza more especially by colliding with street furniture), both McLaren’s being disqualified from the Las Vegas GP and most latterly, laughable strategy calls from McLaren during the Qatar GP.

Oh, and Maximus Smugismus keeping his head down and stacking up a decent points haul to put him right back in contention for his 5th consecutive title. 

So, How Can It Be Won/What Are The Driver Permutations?

Providing Maximus turns up, he’ll win by virtue of being in the right place at the right time for the past three months and a bit. Full stop, end of story.

If for some inexplicable reason Red Bull replace the current Honda-fettled engine with a diesel unit lifted from a canal boat and subsequently suddenly fails to do this, all Lando needs to do to secure his maiden Driver’s Championship is learn how to negotiate the first corner.

If Lando ‘Lando’s’ the first corner, then Oscar can steal the title from right under the others’ noses by being less nonchalant and accepting that he’ll never be McLaren’s poster boy. 

What’s That? You want The Actual Sums?

OK, here goes then.

Lando will become World Champion – irrespective of where Max or Oscar finish – providing he finishes in the podium places. Securing fourth or fifth place could, mathematically, also count.

But only if someone other than Max wins.

The same applies if the McLaren driver finished sixth or seventh on Sunday.

Although only if Max or Oscar don’t claim the top spot on the Abu Dhabi podium.

Furthermore, an eighth place finish would also mean that Lando bags the title. So long as Max doesn’t finish in the top two spots and/or Oscar doesn’t take the chequered flag. 

You follow?

If so, let’s move onto Max and his potential permutations. 

Essentially he has to finish on the podium in the following finishing positions to ensure that he grabs an astonishing 5th Championship from absolutely nowhere. 

If he wins this weekend’s race – and Lando finishes 4th or worse and Oscar is eliminated – Max will become the smuggest of the smuggest.

Should he finish second, then Lando has to finish 8th or worse – and Oscar 3rd or worse – for him to become even more unbearable.

If Max takes the last place on the podium, then Lando needs to finish 9th or worse – and Oscar 2nd or worse – to get his hands on a familiar trophy for the fifth year running.

That’s that explained then.

But what does Oscar have to do to upset the odds, aside from arrange to have Max and Lando kidnapped on Saturday night?

He has to pray, that’s what he has to do. 

But from a statistical perspective he has to win and hope that his teammate finishes 6th or worse and that Max is eliminated. Quite possibly by a hired hitman.

His second option is to finish second on the podium, see Lando come 10th or worse and Max to end up 4th or worse. To realise his dreams of taking his first title. 

Sum 41. Not Multi-21, Seb

They were a band, not a permeation as to who could win the 2025 F1 Driver’s Championship, OK.

Is This Everything, Then?

We think that’s right.

But we’re no experts.

Not least because we got a U grade in GCSE Arithmetic. Thankfully we were quite good at English Language and printing forged qualifications documents off of the internet.

What Do YOU Think?

Naturally, we’d be fascinated to hear what you guys think, and which driver you believe will claim the spoils later on Sunday.

Let us know in the comments section below…..