OK. It may be 14 years late, but it’s the thought that counts.

So with this in mind, here’s our first ‘Retrospective Review’. Which will probably be re-named something else snappier when we can be arsed.

Who Cares. Tell Us About The Hyundai Veloster….

Launched in 2012 here in the Unified Kingdomshire, we always believed that Hyundai was a cheery Welsh farmer who probably carted hay bales around on the back of his Subaru Brat.

But we were wrong.

As it turns out Hyundai actually make cars such as the i10.

And others which aren’t so overtly angular and look like mobile fish tanks. Not that this is a worry, as an i10 would still manage to get someone from A to B and be slightly more appealing than travelling by public transport.

Which leads us nicely to the relatively new Hyundai Veloster; which surprisingly looks mega.

Its name also brings to mind those kitchen-dwelling dinos from Jurassic Park. You know; velociraptors. Which are also kinda awesome.

Especially if you’re 8-years old and like dinosaurs, robots, aliens and monsters.

But Why Is The Veloster Brilliant?

But the Veloster is brilliant not just because of this, but also because it looks fab.

But mainly because it’s the first decent Hyundai to ever be built.

If you choose to overlook the Hyundai 5.5MW offshore wind turbine, the Hyundai COSCO Guangzhou transport ship and any of Hyundai’s industrial-spec robots. Which are a bit like Honda’s Asimo, but don’t walk in a style similar to someone who has shat their pants.

Daewoo were also in the business of manufacturing better shipping containers and food mixers than automobiles, but to the best of our knowledge never made one which looked half as good as Hyundai’s Veloster.

Excepting the drop-dead gorgeous Daewoo Espero. Which, incidentally, just happens to be the Spanish word for ‘orgasm’.

Are You Saying Hyundai’s Were Hitherto Fugly?

Hyundai’s were hitherto fugly vehicular affairs.

So much so that crash test dummies refused to be seen dead in them at one point. And remember; Vauxhall employed these chaps throughout the 1990’s.

Yet the Veloster is very shiny and looks like it was designed and constructed by people with the gift of sight. And could turn into a Transformer any second and throat-punch a skyscraper.

The side elevation is a joy, whilst the rear hatch aesthetic is off the scale.

We very much doubt that the driver could see out of the rear portal when reversing, but providing the Veloster comes equipped with rear parking sensors, potential walking wounded would be kept to a minimum.

The whole shooting match looks pretty sporty too.

All hunched up and hunkered down and ready to peg it off the starting line like a ‘roided up Ben Johnson in 1988. Before the sprinter was eliminated for cheating at that Olympic contest which Whitney Houston also sang the theme tune for before she also discovered drugs.

What’s The Hyundai Veloster Look Like From Behind?

Very good question.

The rear view is pleasured by twin exhausts protruding from it, which makes the Veloster appear aggressive and dangerous to meet the acquaintance of. Whereas historically Hyundai’s have been unassuming and apologetic like televisual choirmaster, Gareth Malone.

Most of the Veloster’s roof area consists of glazing, just like your parent’s greenhouse.

Which would make the Veloster very adept at growing tomatoes in during the summer months. If, say, you were going on holiday for a fortnight in July and fancied something juicy with your salads on your return.

Perversely, there’s far less glass in the traditional areas where it’s needed. Surface areas like the side doors and rear windows for example. The latter tapering up and miniscule on the two-door version of events.

The four-door Veloster has additional doors, mercifully. Additional doors equals more windows.

More windows equals bigger tomatoes, etc.

What’s The Inside Of The Hyundai Veloster Like?

Similar to the insides of any car, the Veloster comprises seats so you don’t have to drive stood up. Hyundai impressively thinking outside of the box there.

The insides are very space age. Think Button Moon landings. No. Space 1999.

Minimal, swept, curvaceous lines is what the dashboard is all about, while the boot compartment will effortlessly accommodate a varied and diverse selection of things that you might purchase from shops and shit.

Cello’s, a half pound of mackerel and/or double-sided sellotape.

Meanwhile in Global RallyCross iteration the Veloster looks even meaner. Like one of those horrible Citroen C4’s that are suddenly transformed into something sexy when kitted out with spoilers, white alloys and a job lot of decals off Amazon.

Sadly your budget will only stretch as far as the 1.6-litre Hyundai Veloster with the illusions of velour pack as standard.

In Summary…

In summary, Drivl recommends the new Biffy Clyro long player and going for a lie down.